Ricky&Kees

Little Dragon,

A long time ago, on, I believe, it was our third date, we had spent the evening having dinner with your friends. On that day I learned my first sentences in mandarin

The first sentence I learned was WOde Tian Nar. Voor iedereen die geen Chinees spreekt, dat betekent zoveel als mijn hemel, wat de hel of what the F.

But the second sentence I learned proved to be much more important; Wo Ai Ni.

Over the 12 years that followed you have inspired me to be the best version of myself. Whether it is in the small things like when shopping for clothes or going swimming together, or in the bigger things like motivating me to keep growing as a person. You helped me harness my creativity and when I have a lot of ideas, you can steer me in the right direction.

And on bad days, when my brain starts spiralling, it can be difficult for me to look beyond the dark clouds. But on those days you help me to see the bright spots and sunshine again. And get me out of the storm.

Together we have learned to celebrate the small wins, but also to never give up and always strive for more, and to keep building our lives together as a team, as a family.

Over the 12 years that followed that third date. I’ve only gotten to love you more.

And That’s why it’s so fitting that the second sentence I’ve ever learned in mandarin means:

I Love You.

Xiao Long, 你让我明白，真正的爱情，是一生都在重新爱上同一个人。我已经爱了你12年，未来，我还会一次又一次地爱上你。

Kees,

You know that I have never been very good at expressing my feelings in words. I usually prefer to show them through what I do, the small things. When I think back on us, there was never one huge, dramatic moment that defined our relationship. It was always the smaller things.

I remember when you used to borrow your mum’s car just to drive me home. And after all these years, I have also learned a lot about what it means to share a life with you.

For example, I have learned that you and I have very different definitions of the word “tidy.” I believe things have a place. You seem to believe things will eventually find one.

And somehow, despite all of that, there is something very comforting about the life we have built. It is not perfect, and definitely not always organised, but it is ours. More than anything, when I look back at all the important moments in my life, you were there.

And I think that is what made me realise that maybe marriage is not really about one big moment at all. Maybe it is about having one person who keeps showing up, again and again, through all the ordinary parts of life.

So I found myself thinking about one question.

Why is it, do you think, that people get married?

Because we need a witness to our lives.

There are a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life really mean?

But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything.

The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things.

All of it, all the time, every day.

You are saying: your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it.

Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.

And today, with wind and forest as our witness, I want to make that promise to you.

And I think this is what you have been to me, Kees. Not only the person I love, but the person who has seen my life, my changes, my fears, and my ordinary days, and still chose to stay. Today, I promise to be that witness for you too, in every good, difficult, terrible, and mundane moment that life brings us.